Fate & Destiny

At a single glance, a single dart toward the heart, a lasting feeling that takes your breath away every time you think of her that first time. For some, a trivial and emotional roller-coaster ride. For others, a confusing mindset that splits the heart in two. One path leads to a planned, content and civilized home. The other, a blind voyage into the unknown and the only thing that is clear is the way you feel for each other. I can still remember those mental pictures snapped in my head from our outings together, those gentle eyes gazing at me and the way her hair was a batch of organized chaos. If fate had a role in this, then destiny had to play catch-up.

I for one have never felt this before, I can't explain it, and to paraphrase it would not do it justice. For the first time in my life I felt I had met my other-half. To look into her eyes was like looking into a mirror. I could just sit next to her and say nothing, create nothing and do nothing and completely and utterly be in a euphoric state of mind. It's true that I have had many lovers and long relationships in 32 years of existence, but never was I this vulnerable or completely at a loss for words. I had been the bearer of hurt and the dealer of death to many hearts in my life time but this is not a story of a broken heart. It is a story of a heart being healed through the power of faith and a couple twists of fate.

It was not a lustful relationship, to be totally honest we never even kissed. It was a young and innocent love affair with stimulating conversations and intense open eyed stares. I know her facial expressions by heart, I know her many casual glances. I know my own and they are not that different. If I could sit with her for the rest of my life and only hold her hand and listen to her laugh I could say I knew what being in love felt like. Our meeting places were not hidden and secret. Our conversations were not scandalous and perverted. Her presence with mine felt like two souls joining for the first time. The energy we through off was cataclysmic, and made the stars respect our union.

This life is yours to lead, and I can proudly say I've had love, felt love, and lost love. I will always question my thought process on matters of the heart. I will always believe and remain guided by the hopeless romantics of the world. We make the kiss last longer, the love grow with each passing year and the dream reachable. Some would call us fates fool or destiny's choice. Little do we know there are many cards at stake. Many choices that make or break us every day. When dealing with matters of the heart let us be impulsive. Fate is always around the corner, and the question always follows behind, "Where were you a year ago?" "Timing is the one thing you can't count on." For me I didn't plan on falling for her. But I did. That is something I will never regret and our story will reach the fallen and the non-believers to empower them to believe, it does exist.

Rain fell hard that day and for some another headache. Others frustrated with the downpour. Few recognized the beauty of it, the very natural way it flooded into our lives and hearts. Those denying it's massive presence will just never understand the hopeless romantics out there. Rain is way of cleansing and refreshing the toxic waste of human kind upon the earth. We are a fallen species but at times an emotional carousel of progress. She wasn't average, she wasn't mediocre she was the one. In order to start this right I must first have to dabble into the stories of our past. Our oldest past, when Fate and Destiny agreed on time and place. When they understood their purpose to make people follow in the commandments of love.

Fate always the careful one, the meticulous one. Destiny, more the aloof, fly at the seat of the pants, the procrastinator. Her eyes met mind in my favorite season, Fall. Fall is the most understanding of all true romances. The air was cool and crisp, the sun caressing my face and the leaves beginning their metamorphosis. I to was in a cycle of change, my faith in love at a low point. I had just battled a tough divorce and was bitter with change. Change is the one thing I can't get used to, I never will. I had taken some time to gather my thoughts and try to put back the pieces of a failed romance. It's difficult sometimes to let go and walk away, sometimes it is easy and other times a mutual understanding.

I was giving a lecture on advertising & creative thinking, when she caught my attention. Her outlandish questioning and passion for her ideology could rival a criminal trial lawyer. I wasn't use to explaining myself, nor did I feel I had to. I agreed to speak with her after the conference to explore her subjectivity. She was young, bullheaded and built like a brick shit house. Her eyes were the color of glaciers and her hair like the mane of an appaloosa.

She was relative in height and she had a swank in her small but powerful voice. The constant questioning made me feel like I was on a talk show. I invited her to get a drink being her installment of questioning was wearing on me. She was young, hungry and ready to fill her mind with my methodologies.

The night was filled with intellectual, passionate conversation that led to me inviting her out for a second night. I hadn't known it at the time but I was aware of a certain jewelry piece on the left index finger. At our second outing I invited her to a mutual setting for lunch and we talked about what that ring met. She was married and happy, her husband was a financial planner with SmithBarney. He was fresh out of college and hired right out of school being he finished top ten percent of his class. I could see the way she lit up when she described his being. All at once I turned the conversation into a professional meeting of the minds and tried to wrap quickly. As we parted that day, part of me wanted to see her again but I knew that was not the ethical or professional way to handle such events. She was a taken woman and such conversations could bring temptation knocking on the door.

A couple days later I received a call from my witty admirer asking me to join her for lunch. I wanted so bad to see her but knew that would be a breach of morality. I denied the invitation and told her I had already eaten. A week past and I ignored calls and messages. I was taken the highroad for I knew what hurt felt like, wasn't I the egomaniac. As I was wondering the halls of the convention center for the last summit meeting I saw her. She strode up to me with a casual dottle and asked, "You are hard to reach!" I told her at this time in my life and you recently married I don't think it would be a wise decision to hang out. She looked up at me and said, "It's just a beer." Well, I fly home in a couple days, what could it hurt, I thought.

Being she knew this town better than I, she drove. She took me to a sunny dockside restaurant, where we sat outside and drank some local micro-brewed beer. It was unusually warm for this time of the year so it felt good to be outside. With each passing gulp of refreshing hops and barley another memory made. We combed through our lives like forensic scientists and the end result was a DNA match. We said and felt the same things. We had done and enjoyed the same activities. It was like having a conversation with yourself in the mirror. As the sky darkened and the day turned to night the many faces around us changed but we didn't. We were stuck in some trance, and not only were we engaged in the conversation but our souls as well.

Every passing minute ticked by and her face changing expressions left an impression in my mind like I was recording an amazing event. I had found her, at last I could be me and she could be her. The sky opened up and the rain fell hard, hard like as if the heavens had awakened an the Gods had brought two souls back together. As the crowds moved away from the storm we embraced it, for we, had caused it. As I took her hand in mine the chilling feeling of be totally elated and complete hit me. It was as if everything slowed down, where we could see every rain drop reach it's destination. Her eyes fixed on the rain as well and then back to mine. She blinked in slow-motion and here she was, my MYTH, the woman I had written about, fantasied about and longed to meet.

With another round ordered we engaged in talks of the heart and the what ifs. When I talked she was totally engaged in the conversation and she lit up. As we closed the check out I took her hand and walked with her down the pier. We looked at the boats, and we gave them new names inspired by our new found fate. There is this mental image of her at the end of that pier that I relive often in my head. I wanted love so bad, I wanted to totally fall into her and I wanted to just be with her forever. Foolishness and infatuation were words that did not apply to our union. Our souls new it was right. As I led her to the end of the pier we looked out on the moons reflection on the water and we embraced. Not a kiss or an awkward touch, a genuine hug, that brought our souls and hearts so close together it felt like the part that had been missing from me my entire life.

She was my puzzle piece, my corner stone and my MUSE. The stillness was defining, the peace was warm. Everything was right where it was suppose to be. She gently pulled away and looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears of joy and confusion. I knew I had to let her go now. It was at this moment reality set back in, she was married to a great guy, a man of trust and honor. Her phone rang and that was that. She would be leaving for the evening. The ride back to the convention hall was silent, the rain flurried on the window shield the silent hum of the engine was methodical and soothing. The tears began to fall has I left her car and turned back to her. She rolled the window down and said, "fate's a crazy thing, it's just never on time is it?"

I looked at her whole-heartily and said, "To bad destiny was sleeping, it was to worried about matching couples instead of matching souls."

The story of us ends here in this parking lot. Not ever knowing what could have been, or even what was. She doesn't pull back around and get out of the car and scream take me with you. She doesn't catch up with me at that airport and stop the flight. It was a walk in the clouds a taste of humanity and a glimpse of what it feels like to totally lose yourself in someone. There is not a day that passes by that I don't look for her around the hallways and airport terminals. I've visited that spot often, I stand on that same pier, sit in those same Adirondacks and remember that fateful evening when Fate & Destiny met for what was a love that never got born.

I never called or checked up on her. I'm still single and I have had my share of relationships since then. I was always looking for her though and never found her. I know that I can't be mad with the way things unfolded and no one is at fault but I do know that I will breathe my last breath with her name. I will find her again, when those stars align in my favor and when the rain falls hard again I'll look up and know she'll be there. With those eyes like deep pools of unexplored waters. I'll close my eyes now and relive that moment until I can feel my puzzle piece complete again. Goodbye for now my MYTH... Find me again, where it rains without a cloud in the sky whether day or night. Where it falls in slow-motion. Our love was the stuff fairy tales are made of and movies can't quantify. Till we meet again my muse, I Love You.